THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
of the issue, like the following,
“Okay, so this is what I heard or felt; is this what you meant?”
“Would you help me understand…” (fill in the blank with the issue)
“Is there something I said or did that may have caused you to be hurt or offended?”
These questions are probing questions to help us process through a conflict, and if you are receptive to the answers, they can help to resolve the conflict and even draw you closer to the person you have the conflict with. Of course, you cannot guarantee this. However, you will know you did what was necessary to try and reconcile.
Get-to-Know-You Questions
When I am trying to get to know someone, I begin by asking questions to uncover as much as I can through them sharing their story about what has made them into who they are today. But it cannot stop there. As I continue to spend more time with this person, I move on to “get-to-know-you” types of questions.
There are two specific questions I like to ask that probe a little deeper into how a person may think. It may sound silly, but I have found it says a lot about a person when you hear their answer, for better or for worse. If the situation ever presents itself and you have time to walk through the answers together, try these questions with someone you know well.
“What is your favorite reality TV show, and why?”
Listen very intently and try not to react in any way when they answer. It can be any number of reality TV shows. Remember, the why behind their answer is what you are looking for. After they respond, be ready to describe what yours is and why.
My favorite reality TV show is America’s Got Talent. (Don’t judge me!) The reason why I watch this show is to witness that moment—the moment someone gets up on the big stage with a few thousand people, four judges, and the potential of millions of TV watchers watching them… the room gets quiet, and the stage belongs to them. They perform their talent to the best of their ability. After they are done, the audience erupts into applause, the judges are standing on their feet, and those at home respond in kind. It’s not until after the contestant is done that they realize what just happened.
Whatever struggle they faced to get to that stage; whatever nerves they had, wondering how the audience would respond; whatever negative comments they received by people who tried to hold them back; whatever issues they had—for